Why she has put you on friendzone

Thursday, December 26th, 2019 11:46 |
Friend zoned

By People Reporter

We toss the word ‘friendzone’ around a lot these days as a sort of catch-all phrase to describe a variety of romantic misfires. So much so that it’s almost become a bit of a joke, or excuse even, becoming reason in and of itself for rejection. In fact, the number of times I’ve heard girlfriends (and even some guys) say something along the lines of “(s)he’s really sweet, but you know, friendzone” and cackle into a fit of laughter without any pressure to elaborate further is too common to count.

The thing is, it’s significantly less funny when you happen to find yourself in the said zone. The good news is, figuring out where exactly things went wrong isn’t hard. First, she doesn’t know you like her ‘like that’.  And yes, it is true that every girl wants to end up with her best friend, So it’s not necessarily a bad strategy to adopt. But if your long term plan is to just be there for everything, always, in the hopes that she will suddenly, one day turn around and see you in a different light, you’re going to be waiting a long time.

Not necessarily never — sometimes this results in the happiest of endings — but it’s definitely the long game. Because the truth is, you’re just too close. You know way too much about her for her to see you as anything other than a genuine friend. And the longer you wait and the closer you get without spelling things out, the more truthful that annoying line about not wanting to ‘ruin the friendship’ becomes.

Then again, you could be trying too hard, and coming off as desperate. I don’t know what it is in men’s DNA that makes them so obsessed with the chase. But the point is, there needs to be a bit of a give and take, there needs to be distance, and you need to be unavailable at least some of the time. Because, how can she appreciate the value of your presence if she doesn’t understand what it is to feel your absence? You need to let her miss you. Of course, this is not to be confused with not trying at all — that definitely won’t get you anywhere, either.

Then, you could be perfect in everything, but she’s just not sexually attracted to you. Personality, humour, lifestyle, and all of those other things you use to woo her into liking you can only go so far. It doesn’t matter how smart, or how kind, or how successful you are, if she can’t picture your lips on her mouth (or anywhere else for that matter), it’s game over.

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