Why couples community can help save marriages

Monday, November 25th, 2019 00:00 |
Saving marriages. Photo/Courtesy

Grace and I were recently invited to speak to a group of couples who have been meeting for a while. It was a very interesting meeting that went deep into the night. 

What I loved most about the couples is their openness in sharing and their camaradarie. They were indeed a married couple's community and each of the pairs felt safe within that community.

This is one thing that is lacking in our society, today. Many couples do life on their own, no wonder when they encounter challenges, they end up going their separate ways if not killing each other.

To friends and family, this is usually a shocker, especially in situations where one spouse kills the other. Neighbours, family and friends will say things like “They were a very nice couple who seemed to love one another”. They always seem shocked by what has happened.

Openly shared

We are good at putting on a show, be it at family gatherings, in the neighbourhood or even in Church. We pretend that everything is okay while deep inside things are about to explode. 

By the time people realise the truth, the damage has already been done. Couples are isolated and when faced with difficult situations, they think they are the only ones going through this or one partner thinks that they married the wrong person. 

But when couples get together, it is comforting to find out that what you are going through is not unique to you, but common. This is not to say that we settle for mediocre relationships, but instead, find out how as couples, we can navigate through these issues.

This is why I was encouraged to be with this group of couples. They openly talked about their challenges and were not ashamed of hiding things from each other because they felt safe with the group; not feeling judged or laughed at, and empathising with each other with the confidentiality helps to create such an environment. 

If married couples can surround themselves with such a community of couples where they are vulnerable with each other and keep each other accountable, then two can remain one without killing each other.

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