We miss the hostels!

Monday, August 31st, 2020 00:00 |
University students. Photo/Courtesy

Michael Muraya  @michael_muraya

We miss the hostels! 

It is year 2746 into our unexpected long holiday and reality is still dawning upon comrades who thought this was bound to end soon.

Folks are now drowning in secret melancholy as they reminisce the “good old days” in campo. Comrades miss one thing the most. Our hallowed home, the hostels!

The hostels have their fair share of drama though. Perhaps the biggest is the thievery that goes in that place!

If comrades were to take their mastery in stealing mainstream, the producers of Money Heist would be impressed, and the self-proclaimed heist masters of state coffers would feel belittled. 

It is only in campus hostels where you will be typing something on your laptop, you wake up to close the door for security purposes, only to turn around and find your laptop gone. 

Quickly you go to to the next room to warn them of a mysterious thief,  only to find your laptop already  there and charging.

Hostel thieves are so skilled, they should teach a unit on how not to lose valuables to these people.

There is nothing that cannot be stolen in a hostel; even the milk in your tea is not safe.

Micro-comrades are another thing. These are permanent tenants in hostels that live in the form of cockroaches and bedbugs.

They are not your usual bugs though. They worked their way up from the trenches to the hallowed corridors of the university. 

No wonder they are proudly christened micro-comrades. The poor creatures might be dying of boredom in lonely hostels thinking humans became extinct.

Thieves and bugs may make hostels look like glorified dormitories, but they sure are dormitories straight out of a Caribbean carnival. 

It’s a place where rules don’t rule. Upon joining campus, the Dean normally wastes his breath by reading out a whole set of rules about how you should not be in the hostels of the opposite gender after 10pm and before 10am and such gibberish.

 This rule remains to be the most broken in all campuses. We call it the silent rule. Well, at times it is as if it does not exist.

That explains why every morning you will witness the walks of shame as people creep out of forbidden hostels hoping nobody sees them; while for some it’s walks of fame. 

It’s not uncommon to see hordes of men at the balcony shouting at a fellow sneaking out at the ladies’ hostels at 7am: “Aah, you guy my guuuy!”

This is the life comrades are missing. Comrades can no longer break the 10 to 10 rule. It’s not like you can’t visit another comrade at their home.

But if you are lucky to avoid the cops after the 9pm curfew, you won’t be lucky when her father unleashes mbwa kali on you for sauntering into his compound at night! 

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