Uncle Habakkuk’s ‘sight-seeing’ escapades in the city

Of course you know by now my famous uncle Habakkuk is confined in Nairobi against his will, having coaxed his rickety pick-up truck to bring him over. That is not to say he is not enjoying his unscheduled stay in the city in the sun as it was once called. Of course Habakkuk now refers to it as the city in the sun, and his reasons are many as you will see shortly. I get a sneaky feeling if his wife of 40 years, Nereah, was not around, Habakkuk could do worse than just pretending to catch some fresh air at my house balcony as he eyes some scantily clad neighbours of the female variety but that is a story for another day. I was telling you about how he has absorbed a severe culture shock that hit him on day one of being in the city of many lights, as rural folk famously refer to Nairobi. Display flesh Being used to life in the village where displaying an inch of flesh is not just frowned upon but seriously anathema, Habakkuk was lost for words when he espied young beauties carrying basins of water to the common bathroom with nothing but a towel around the middle. “What if the towel falls off?” he asked me much later when Nereah was out of earshot. I told him such incidents were unheard of but the answer did not convince even my own ears. Things got even worse when the same damsels were leaving their maskans for the day. One was clad in a skirt that was many, many inches above the knee. My uncle saw this and I saw his expression change. The girl was showing off well-oiled shoulders beneath the straps of a spaghetti top. Habakkuk, unable to contain his consternation, asked me if that was dress to step out in. I told him weekend wear could get even worse. I also brought him up to speed on the names of the clothing items. He was aghast. “Why would anyone in their right mind name a blouse after a food item?” he asked. I replied I also didn’t know but suspected it was because the shoulder straps resemble spaghetti. Leave homes Habbakuk burst into such uproarious laughter that Nereah came out to find out what was tickling us so much. My uncle explained that he had recalled an incident from his youth which had brightened up his morning. I had thought his curiosity was assuaged. I was wrong. He wanted to know if the girls were married and why their husbands allowed them to leave homes in what he called a state of undress. I conjured up some tale about how young parents were liberal, especially in urban settings but my uncle was not amused. He mumbled something about parenthood gone to the dogs, what with children having to contend with semi-dressed parents around the house. “In my time, the longer a woman’s dress, the better the quality of wife material. Even if we went for a walk or even dance, you would be considered a crook and villain if you didn’t keep your hands where she could see them,” he reminded me. Presently, Nereah brought him his phone, saying there was a missed call. The fellow turned purple in the face. Then after the wife left, he dialled back. Resume conversation He listened for a while, then his face brightened up. Although he kept his responses to a minimum it was apparent this was a pleasant call. “Okay baby,” he finally said and ended the conversation. I waited for him to resume our conversation. “Where were we?” He asked. It was obvious the caller had excited him. I was left to fill in the blank spaces. I know you recall those questions from some text book or other. We were jolted back to reality as more tenants left for work in various stages of undress. And my uncle stared. And stared... Have a curiosity-filled week, folks! – The writer is Special Projects Editor, People Daily

Uncle Habakkuk’s ‘sight-seeing’ escapades in the city

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Uncle Habakkuk’s ‘sight-seeing’ escapades in the city

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