Trump proves killer Covid-19 is for the weak, experts say

Monday, October 12th, 2020 00:00 |
Trump proves killer Covid-19 is for the weak.

Mambo Matata

America’s President Donald Trump’s super swift recovery from Covid-19 has confirmed what medical experts have strongly suspected for a long time now: The virus is mortally afraid of courage, power and wealth.

That means only yellow-bellied, weak-kneed, lily-livered, left-leaning do-gooders are in danger of being severely affected or killed by the virus.

To beat the virus, experts said, one must not betray the slightest signs of fear or anxiety in the face of the disease.

“You have to be tremendously strong and aggressive to beat coronavirus. You have to stare it down and scare it off and it will flee from you, tail between the legs,” said Dr Quack Charlatan, of the Doctors Without Bothers organisation. 

He said like a dog, the virus can detect fear in one’s blood and other body fluids and ravage the body with pneumonia and other severe symptoms.

But when it encounters courage, it becomes weak and quickly fizzles out of the system, the way it happened in Trump’s case.

Dr Charlatan said contrary to earlier reports, the real pre-existing conditions that can increase the chances of one dying of the disease include fear, anxiety, worry and lack of self-confidence. 

“People who have such pre-existing conditions are actually the only ones who should wear face masks, practice social distancing and sanitise regularly,” he said, adding that self-assured people like Trump and his toughie supporters need not bother with such sissy stuff.  

Ironically, he said, wearing masks, keeping social distance and maintaining high standards of hygiene are, in fact the telltale symptoms that one is living in fear, hence attracting the virus.

Trump has repeatedly derided people, including his Democratic challenger in next month’s election Joe Biden, who wear face masks, as weak and scared of Corona.

Doctors Without Bothers say besides driving the virus out of one’s system with tough statements, a string of choice insults and giving it cruel nicknames, a storm of tweets at 3am on a Sunday has also proved to work magic against the virus.

The head of the Kenyan chapter of Doctors Without Bothers said the same Covid-19 trend had been observed in Kenya and Africa.

She said there is a good possibility that like Trump, Kenyan politicians and their hardy supporters have been able to avoid the worst of the virus because of their courage and power. 

“How else can one explain the fact that these people have been moving around, mingling with crowds, shaking hands and practically breaking all the rules yet they have managed to stay Covid-free?” asked Dr Riva Rodi.

She also pointed out that other people in Kenya who have thumped their nose at the Ministry of Health anti-Covid guidelines such matatu crews, bar owners and their devil-may-care patrons have hardly been touched by the disease.

“It all boils down to tremendous courage. If you have it, you can’t gerrit,” she said.

Sources said the new revelations about coronavirus have raised serious questions about all other conventional beliefs and scientific knowledge, such as whether the earth is spherical, the force of gravity and climate change, the latter which Trump has consistently denied.

“Trump is not only rewriting the rules of politics; he is rewriting the laws of nature.

Science is a huge scam and Trump is going to drain that swamp too,” a Trump supporter, who is a member of the Proud Boys movement gushed in an interview with Hoax News.

Already, a group calling itself Alternative Scientists, is studying the possibility that, like Covid-19, the effects of climate change only affect those who are not brave enough to ward them off.

“Floods, droughts, wild fires and rising sea levels are only normal occurrences and have nothing to do with the so-called climate change.

It all depends on how you respond to them,” the organisation said in a statement to the media. [email protected]

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