Time to switch lives almost here
By Michael Muraya
Exams are literally around the corner and time to go home for Christmas almost here! Soon, the moment will aptly be marked by a mass exodus of Biblical proportions as y’all city kids go home to reset your default settings and become villagers in your respective innuendos.
First years who finished exams last week are already home, since they have not yet become crafty enough to stay for longer in the cities. As for the rest of us, time to play poker with the gods of fertility is here. Some girls have already relocated into men’s hostels to live with their boyfriends and now the game you all have now resulted to playing is dodging security guards at night because of flouting the 10 to 10 rule.
All the same, you will all soon go back home and for that reason, we have a few suggestions about the things you should keep on doing on social media.
1. Catholic University brothers and nuns, you have been depriving us of our peace and serenity on social media. Every day you post anything. You peeps have been adding the location ‘Hardy Karen’ on every post you update on social media. Now that you will be returning home to Igwanjau, Nthimbiri and Kiambogo, we recommend that you also update the location on your posts — if the place is even on Google maps!
2. Multimedia University comrades, the only campo peeps who co-exist peacefully with wild animals, you peeps have also been depriving Kenyans of their peace every time you take selfies with your school warthogs and lie to guys that you’re chilling in Mara. Please, know that you’ll be home feeding hay to your dad’s donkeys, pigs and rabbits; take selfies while at it.
3. Egerton braggarts whose posts on social media had to include Lake Nakuru on the background, so that you boast how you support local tourism, be sure to show off the swamps in your village too. We shall be waiting.
4. We cannot forget about KU peeps and the audacity at which they walk into Garden City and Thika Road malls, not to buy anything but to take photographs for the sole purpose of petting their bloated online egos. It is time to go back to the god-forsaken villages where the only equivalent of mall is a kiosk that also doubles up as a phone charging centre and kerosene pump depot. Take a selfie there too!
5. UoN narcissists, who walk around Nairobi saying how they own the town! You guys have become a menace and have been stoning innocent motorists along University Way. Now that you are going deep in a rural setting where the only locomotive is the chief’s bicycle, we urge you, in the spirit of comrade power, throw a stone at the chief also.