This stay-at-home order is straining my marriage

Monday, March 30th, 2020 13:54 |
Married couple. Photo/Courtesy

Hi Achokis.  We are a lovely couple I believe, that wants to keep our marriage going. 

We have been married for five years and through the storms and rain, we have tried to make it happen. 

My husband travels a lot and has done so since we got married. The longest we have been with each other since our wedding continuously is two months.

Because of the current situation ie Covid -9, he has not made his travels.  He has been working from home and so have I. 

My problem is, I feel like he is a stranger who is demanding more than I can give. 

As much as we are both working from the living room, he isn’t talking much.  He is easily irritable to mention just but a few. What can I do? Please help!

Our take

Hi.  Thank you for your question. In every situation we have to look at the positive and the negative side.

With this stay home thing, there are both positive and negative implications to many couples just like you.

The positive side is that at least now you get to see more of each other than before.

But this being together all the time has also its own down side. It is easier when we are all on holiday and lounging, but when both parties have to work from home, which is a new normal to many, then it can be challenging.

The first reason why it is challenging is because we are not used to it. Secondly it is because of your long distance relationship and you feel like you are living with a stranger.

For him, because he has been taking care of himself while away and now wants to be taken care of, thus the feeling that he is being demanding.

Thirdly both of you are not used to being in each other’s space this long. Fourthly, both husband and wife working from home has the same dynamics of a husband and wife who work together in the office.

Men are generally task oriented and can completely zone you off when focused with what they are doing, so don’t take it personal.

Or maybe the reality of what might happen as a result of this is stressing him up.  

So, instead of complaining, choose to see this as a wonderful opportunity to get to know each other.

You might have become strangers who would hook up once in a while and whenever you did, before things got bad, off he went.

But now he is here to stay, so what is needed is for you both to adjust to each other. Learn to allow each other into your space even as you put boundaries on your personal space and work time.

You want to make the best of the opportunity you have. Your distance might have deceived you that things were okay.

Dive into the opportunity and begin to learn who your spouse really is. Seek to connect with him and find out from a genuine concern how the current situation is affecting him.  The writers are marriage and relationship coaches [email protected]

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