Will my lover of five years ever propose?

Monday, January 13th, 2020 00:00 |
Married couple. Photo/Courtesy

Happy New Year Achokis,

I have been going out with this guy for the last five years. I’ve been waiting for him to propose to me, but he hasn’t said anything.

He keeps assuring me that he will and that he loves me. This past Christmas, he took me to his rural home where I met his parents and siblings. We had a nice time together and they seemed to like me.

Should I assume that is a sign of great things to come? Should I just hang on and wait or should I move on? I’m not getting any younger and I want to settle down and start a family.  

Our Take

Happy New Year. Five years is a long time in a relationship. Probably what would be important to know is why he is taking his time to commit.

Taking you to his rural home to meet his parents is a good thing, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that he has finally decided to marry you. You may have put pressure on him to do so or he may have felt guilty.

Maybe he didn’t want to be asked a lot of questions at home so he took you along to shield himself from being questioned by his mother and aunties. 

The fact that his people were nice to you and seemed to like you doesn’t mean this is it.

The big question is how many other ladies has he taken there before? How did he introduce you to his people? Did he mention anything close to ‘This is the woman I’m intending to settle down with’?

What did his parents tell you? If this was the first time he was taking a lady home then there’s hope. Unless a man says it with words you shouldn’t assume that he has finally decided.

You need to be forthright with him and ask him what that meant. Why did he take you to shags? What were his intentions?

What is he planning? You must be certain of the next step in your relationship otherwise you may simply be in for another long wait.

You need to take charge of the situation and not leave it to chance. They say actions speak louder than words, but in this case you can’t just go by the actions, he must say something.

When it comes to marriage and settling down to start a family, there must be a commitment and this commitment must be made by words and actions.

You should now be talking about dates, dates like when he is coming to meet your parents.

Meeting your parents here means officially not casually in a wedding or at a funeral. This is what can be the sign of his seriousness to marry you.

That is what should give you hope and make you hang on to the relationship otherwise you are better off leaving him and looking for someone with a similar goal. May this be your year! The writers are marriage and relationship coaches [email protected]

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