Strategists discover magic glue to reunite Nasa principals
After four years of failed attempts to re-unite the principals, the National Super Alliance (Nasa) strategists say they have finally discovered the super glue that will put the shattered Opposition outfit together.
And no, the magic glue is neither the Building Bridges Initiative nor is it the Hustler movement.
According to impeachable sources who are familiar with the thinking of the Nasa strategists, the wonder substance that will make the broken alliance whole again is funerals.
One source said the strategists – who have been frantically working to come up with a solution to the alliance’s woes ahead of next year’s election – are so excited by this new discovery and will soon meet the principals to discuss the novel idea.
“After long and careful observation, the Nasa strategists discovered that the principals come very close to kissing and making up every time they meet at a funeral.
Unfortunately, the goodwill disappears into thin air soon after,” said the source who did not want to be named because he is not authorised to disclose the alliance’s strategy at this stage.
The source cited two recent occasions when Nasa principals were just on the verge of signing a new 2022 coalition agreement, so much so the newspapers had screaming headlines about an imminent reunion the following day.
First it was the former MP Kalembe Ndile funeral ceremony and then that of his colleague Jakoyo Midiwo, where the principals all but agreed to let bygones be bygones and sign on the dotted line.
“Unfortunately, something inexplicable happens when the funereal mood wears off. Soon after, you begin hear contrary statements like ‘I would be the biggest fool to support so and so again’ and wengine wanabweka…,” said the source.
Despite the negative statements, the alliance strategists, according to our source, had found out that the funeral mood holds the key to reuniting Nasa leaders.
“The more burials, the merrier,” said the source, looking dead serious.
The plan is to ensure that the principals get to attend as many burials as possible together over the next few months, and it won’t be long before they sign a 2022 coalition agreement most probably at a funeral ceremony.
“Instead of organising bonding retreats in Mombasa or Naivasha, the alliance schemers have realised that it would be cheaper and more practical to have them meet at every available funeral, first once every week and as the elections draw closer, daily,” the source disclosed, adding that the planning was at an advanced stage with a funeral itinerary being drawn.
With the daily funeral meetings, the source explained, the principals would hardly have the time to deny what they had said at the previous burial and the camaraderie that they enjoyed prior to the 2017 General Election would soon blossom again.
It is during one of the many planned burial ceremonies that the alliance strategists expect one or more of the Nasa principals to throw in the towel and declare one of them tosha.
“Do not underestimate the power of a funeral in bringing about a sea change in a Kenyan politician’s heart and mind.
Anything can happen when the funereal mood is in charge and we won’t be surprised at all if during one of the ceremonies, a principal drops the bombshell and endorses another one and then the mood catches on before you know it, you have a compromise Nasa presidential candidate,” said the source.
Having observed that funerals have a calming effect – except on a few who do not mind throwing kicks and punches on top coffins – not just on Nasa but most Kenyan politicians, are said to be considering proposing burials as a symbol of national peace and unity. [email protected] – [email protected]