Shut up doctors, prescribe blue pill to ailing political careers

Monday, December 14th, 2020 00:00 |
Shut up doctors, prescribe blue pill to ailing political careers.

Mambo Matata

Kenyan doctors and other healthcare workers have been asked to get their priorities right and end their incessant demands for allowances and Personal Protective Equipment.

According to politicians and pundits, there are more urgent matters that require the nation’s and the doctors’ attention and the medics should surely have their finger on the pulse of the nation.

Their priorities, the leaders say, are not only shockingly upside-down, they raise questions about their patriotic credentials and their commitment to the motherland.  

Political analysts say among the emergencies that the doctors are expected to prioritise are careers that are in the intensive care unit, a comatose economy and a political fever that is getting worse every waking day.

There are also egos that need to be massaged, cosmetic political surgeries to be performed, dangerous ambitions that must be aborted and dying projects that need to be resuscitated. 

Besides, doctors are expected to prescribe the blue pill to flagging popularities of some leaders.

“There are many political careers that are in critical condition and the doctors should demonstrate their patriotism and professionalism by saving these precious careers from imminent death.

This they can only do by shutting up and giving the ailing careers a shot of BBI,” said  renowned political pundit Mtaa Ngumi.

Experts say the economy went into a coma after suffering a massive stroke brought about by a slew of lifestyle diseases that it has been battling for many years.

“What do you expect? The economy has been gorging on loans, smoking one pack of procurement scandal after another, throwing back tots of benchmarking trips like the world is coming to an end and too many couch potatoes on the payroll,” said a renowned economist who sought to remain anonymous.

Economists say that as a result of the gluttony, the economy has been extremely anaemic and is also suffering a great deal of debt repayment pressure.

With these pre-existing conditions, it didn’t stand a chance when coronavirus struck.

Even then, the doctors have been urged to abide by the Hippocratic Oath that they took and have mercy on the poor economy.

Despite the bad lifestyle choices that led to the stroke, healthcare workers have also been asked to intravenously give the economy a bottle of a popular fizzy drink known as Referendum. 

“Having tasted it twice before, the economy no doubt loves Referendum and the drink might excite it into waking up.

Just let it have the drink, it’s already in coma and it has nothing to lose,” said another eminent pundit.

Nurses have also been beseeched to follow closely in the footsteps of their founder Florence Nightingale by cleaning up after the politicians and carrying the bedpan without complaining.

“Theirs is a noble calling and the nurses have a duty to clean up the mess that the leaders make, dress their wounded pride and ensure that they are as comfortable as possible.

And they should do all this with a kindly smile on their faces and a tender touch,” said Ngumi.

To protect themselves while performing this noble national duty, the nurses are expected to wear a cloak of patriotism, handle the leaders with kid gloves and wrap themselves in self-pity. [email protected]

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