Should I walk out on my pregnant girlfriend?

Monday, January 6th, 2020 00:00 |
Should I walk out on my pregnant girlfriend?

Hi Achokis.

I have been in a relationship for the last three years. Things were okay between us until sometime last year when we started arguing a lot and couldn’t just seem to agree on anything.

By this time, my girlfriend was pregnant and initially I thought it was because of the pregnancy. We have grown further apart and in December we separated.

She’s about to give birth. Is it okay for me to move on? I fear being accused of walking out on her and the baby. 

Our take

Pregnancy is a life-changing event full of physical and emotional changes. Mood swings during this period are common.

Pregnancy makes a woman emotional and if you leave now, she will have a valid reason to never forgive you.

But this might not necessarily be the answer to your question. There could be many other factors at play here. 

A lot of understanding is needed during your girlfriend’s current state and walking away now might just be making a permanent decision based on a temporary situation. 

She probably needs your support, but doesn’t know how to ask for it.  So make yourself available and if she says she needs some space, then give it to her.  

Postpaturm depression

After birth, don’t expect immediate results as changes in sleep patterns, postnatal depression coupled with the stress of being a first-time mum might just be overwhelming for her.

Also, there’s a possibility that you had relational issues that had not been fully resolved and the pregnancy might have just augmented things.

What were your plans before the pregnancy? Were you planning to settle down together or you as a man were still noncommittal?  Had you two planned for the baby or was it ‘mistake’? 

When the reality of what this means hit home, you both reacted and this affected your relationship. Both of you were going through this unexpected transition and so could not look at things objectively.

It is, therefore, important not to make any hasty decisions. We suggest you seek counselling for yourself and encourage her to do the same, too.

What do you want? Why are you making that decision? Is it possible with outside help to work at your relationship? You might want to give it a second chance before calling it quits. 

When all fails

On the other hand a lot also still depends on her. If after sometime she is still acting the same, then you might be left with no option, but to move on.

Whatever you do, remember there’s a child involved, so you need to have mature discussions on how you can together co-parent this child. Don’t let your mistakes create hardship and instability for a child who never asked to be conceived out of wedlock. 

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