She doesn’t want me to meet her folks

Monday, January 27th, 2020 00:00 |
She doesn’t want me to meet her folks. Photo/Courtesy

Hi Achokis,

I’ve been dating this lady since late 2015 when she was about to join campus. So I decided to give her time to finish her studies though we’ve been going out.

The relationship was good despite some little misunderstandings here and there.

My worry is she has met at least all of my family including my parents, but whenever I ask her about her siblings or when am I meeting them she says, ‘give me time’.

My parents have even requested for her parents number to get acquainted, but this has not been forthcoming.

My question is, should I wait for her or move on, especially now that my family has accepted her though I’m worried. Please advise. 

Our Take

Hi and thank you for your question. It was good that you gave your lady time to finish her studies, but to have waited since 2015 to get to know her family is such a long wait.

It is unlikely that one would want to hide her siblings or even cousins. She might be afraid of her parents depending on the kind of family she comes from or could be embarrassed about them because of their economic or social status.

But even with that, she could have at least introduced you to one of her siblings. Does she ever talk about them? If that is a no go zone in your conversations then that is a red flag that you cannot afford to ignore.

Maybe she was hurt by her family and doesn’t want anything to do with them, or she’s hiding something from you she fears the family may let out, or maybe she wants to first enjoy life now that she has finished college before she thinks of settling down. Involving her parents may not be the right thing for now.

So, whatever the reason, this is a sure red flag for you to stop and re-evalutae your relationship. It is important to find out why is it that you have never gotten to meet her family?

Don’t let her escape with some flimsy excuses. Let her know how serious this is to you. If it is because she fears that you will leave her, then it is important to know why she has that fear.

Having been with her this long and waited for her to finish her studies should be reason enough for her to be secure that you love her.

You have indeed waited long enough for her, if she feels she isn’t ready to introduce you to her family then it’s time you moved on.

Don’t let the fact that your family has known her and maybe even liked her stop you.

It is you who is going to settle down with her and if you feel that she’s still hiding something from you, then you shouldn’t remain stuck in that relationship just because your family has accepted her.

As much as you may try to explain to them why you are moving on, they might not fully understand and you also don’t want to expose this girl. - The writers are marriage and relationship coaches [email protected]

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