Sex in marriage shouldn’t be a mere duty: Let everyone enjoy

Monday, October 7th, 2019 00:00 |
Unhappy couple. Photo/File

Many people assume it is only the men who have sexual needs, so it is one-sided.

What about the women who are denied sex by their husbands who either have a mpango wa kando who is meeting that need or the husbands work in distant urban centres and rarely travel home? Isn’t she also being denied her conjugal rights? 

In our male-dominated society and with our traditional mindsets, we have come to believe sex is just a man thing.

In fact, in many traditional African societies, one of the things a woman would be prepared for in marriage was how to sexually satisfy her man.

Contrastingly, in some communities’ women had to undergo Female Genital Mutilation (FGM) not to make her enjoy sex. What an irony! 

We were both—male or female—created to enjoy this wonderful gift of sex. It is only as a man and woman enjoy this gift within the precincts of marriage that we can protect our marriages.

Men need to know how to turn their wives on by giving them the tender loving care that they so much desire for them to respond by giving them sex that they so much desire. We should not expect to reap where we have not sown.

Failure to meet these needs—the need for affection for women and the need for sex for men—will lead to husband and wife seeking to have the needs met outside the marriage bond.

This thus leads to unfaithfulness and may lead to couples ever fighting sexually transmitted diseases. When one partner suspects the other of unfaithfulness, it would be difficult to enjoy sex in such an environment.  

Honesty and openness in marriage is thus important for there to be mutual fulfilment where sex is concerned. No one wants to be involved in something out of mere duty.

It should be “something I want to” as opposed to “something I have to”—and so, when it is reduced to a right, it becomes boring and unfulfiling for both parties.

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