Remarrying: Condemned if you do or don’t

Wednesday, June 17th, 2020 00:00 |
Remarrying: Condemned if you do or don’t.

When Coast-based actor-cum-businessman Dan Kinyanjui aka Dan Sonko announced on his social media platforms that there’s a new woman in his life, he caused a major stir.

This is because he lost his wife almost two years ago and people felt that it was too soon for him to move on. 

The big question often asked when one loses a spouse is how long should they wait before getting married again. Now while this may vary from person to person depending on several factors, it is normally a difficult decision for the widower or widow to make because of what others might say.

There are those who would say “it is so soon”, while others might start spreading rumours that the relationship existed even before the loss of a spouse. There are also those who might feel betrayed by such a move, especially friends and relatives of the late.

So, how long should one wait before remarrying? That is not an easy question to answer. I have known those who have vowed never to remarry after the death of their spouse because they are still so attached to their late spouse and feel that no other person can take good care of their children.

This is informed by the horrid stories about mama wakambo (stepmothers). Legally and from a Christian point of view, there’s nothing wrong with one remarrying after their spouse has died because the vows say “till death do us part”.

The only thing one should consider is that they have sufficiently mourned their departed spouse and have properly gone through the grieving period. 

If they feel ready psychologically and have prepared the children well, (if they had kids), then there’s absolutely nothing wrong with moving on into another relationship. They should not allow themselves to be held hostage by public opinion, or feel that they are betraying the deceased.

It is, of course, important to consider the children if you had any, because so often we make decisions without taking them into consideration. If possible go through therapy together both during the grieving period and when you are considering remarrying. Don’t just rush into it unprepared. 

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