Our genius leaders can’t suck Kenya dry! We pump in cash by the minute

Wednesday, August 21st, 2019 00:00 |
Our genius leaders can’t suck Kenya dry! We pump in cash by the minute.

Ndung’u Mburu

There is no other country I’d rather live in than in Kenya. Seriously! This is the only country where leaders absolutely care for the image and welfare of their country on the world stage.

 In fact, they care so much about Kenya; they are willing to risk their lives by flying thousands of miles over oceans and  mountains to represent Kenya at a conference whose agenda is as clear as the Nairobi River waters. In fact, when they come back, we ought to give them one of those coveted Head of State Commendation medals for a job well done.

I read in newspapers recently  that MCAs and MPs are misusing public resources by taking a delegation of 90 elected leaders to the US of A for a “dubious legislative summit” and that other countries had sent one or two delegates. First of all, those newspapers should be shut down! 

Funga hizo viosk! Did the MPs borrow money from them to travel? Secondly, do you have any idea how tedious it is to fly directly to the US? Especially when you’ve fattened yourself with night and spouse allowance? This is a great sacrifice from our elected leaders!

Thirdly, the legislative conference’s agenda included sampling country music and getting inspirational talks from songstress Dolly Parton. In case you didn’t know, Parton is a governance expert. She is as much an expert on being a legislator as I am on rocket science and nuclear energy. Our legislators are on point! Geniuses!

Just as a reminder, this is the same group of geniuses that travelled to Russia for a month last year to observe how to organise the World Cup and came back with a report that was copy-pasted from the internet with recommendations that read in part that “If things go well, a city can benefit from positive publicity, but if things go wrong, it can cause the opposite.” 

Did you know that? In fact, did anybody know that? The same report concluded, “Kenya is not ready to host the FIFA World Cup.” I mean, who among 50 million Kenyans—minus the 20 geniuses led by Machakos Town MP Victor Munyaka—knew this prior to the writing of that report?

Pose for photos

Surely! We have to let our leaders do what we elected them to do: pose for photos with Paris Hilton—I see you 001—and ask for us to pay for their philandering ways. That’s it!  We can’t be a nation that keeps complaining about our leaders sucking the country dry! No!

This country can’t run dry regardless of how sucked it is; we pump in money into it every second. We need to accept that you can dress a goat in a suit but it’s still a goat and then move on!

Speaking of economy dry suckers, Kiambu Governor Ferdinand Waititu is now operating from Koinange Street. This is according to other reports which claim the governor...wait a minute, is he still the governor?

Who between him and his deputy/Acting governor, Dr James Nyoro is in charge of the county? Kiambu is a great county, I tell you! It has produced two presidents and is the only one being run concurrently by two governors sitting in two different offices in two different counties! Genius!

This is another county that is led by geniuses – assuming that it is being led at all. One of the things haunting “their father” is a programme he started that gobbled up a staggering Sh1 billion to pay over 5,000 youth  for them to stop drinking. Genius! 

What could go wrong? What? Being investigated by the EACC? “Si ni kuchunguzwa tu kama wanaume wale wengine?!”  In any case, the results of the Kaa Sober initiative are clearly visible: there are no more drunk people in Kiambu county! None!

 Meanwhile, Kiambu MCAs are threatening to impeach Baba Yao (loud, prolonged, hysterical chuckle). These are the same members who planned to move an impeachment motion against their speaker Stephen Ndichu for gross misconduct but buckled under the weight of rice, chapati, mukimo, fried meat and chicken stew. 

They then explained that they had a lot on their plate and it was unwise to impeach Ndichu at that time. Now they want to impeach “their father.” Genius! The writer is a presenter at Kameme TV  —[email protected]  

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