Of senators’ names paradox, possible joint venture

Monday, May 18th, 2020 00:00 |
Of senators’ names paradox, possible joint venture.

I hear the name Kipchumba refers to a chap who was born in hospital. That means the name confers some level of privilege on the holder, at least in modern times.

That would appear to sum up my friend Kipchumba Murkomen’s life in rather dramatic terms, for, why would any parent call their son that if it is true, as he says, that he is the son of a squatter in Embobut?

In short, Murkomen’s entire life must be a paradox of sorts. I mean if you are born in humble circumstances, anyone giving you a name that implies privilege or superiority must be putting logic with its feet up.

But let us leave the poor chap’s name alone as, I hear, he has bigger problems than just a name.

One of his biggest problems is telling another age-mate and senior colleague of mine, Uhuru Kenyatta that he must now deliver to Kenyans.

As a wordsmith of no mean repute, I am fairly well informed about the current affairs of this nice country of ours (until Covid-19 came calling).

Now, I do not recall anything Uhuru, or Uhunye, as the young and young-at-heart call him, should deliver, that would require Murkomen to remind him about.

I mean, UK is a fairly decent guy. In my own words, he was a good student who went to a good school with good teachers.

That sort of folk does not require reminders from chaps who reckon that at the age of 40- something they are at par with the President of the Republic of Kenya.

Thrown out

I am trying to say that the chap talks too much and could do well to install a governor in his throat.

I have listened to many politicians, past and present, and I can tell you Murkomen is exhibiting high levels of hubris.

In Greek mythology, those are tales about big and famous fellows who fell from grace by virtue of their own bravado.

But his fate must not derail us from what I was telling you. Let us discuss hubris another day. Nice topic.

I was telling you that the chap found himself on the receiving end of Jubilee after he was thrown out, along with another big talker from Nakuru where I attended school and grew up, Susan Wakarura Kihika.

Do you recall a video of Murkomen back in his bundus ‘songaing’ a brown, steaming mound of ugali?

I have been thinking that the chap can start a kiosk and put together a few culinary delights from his tribesmen. He can even christen it “Murkomen Delights” or “Kip Eatery”.

With his superior skills in making ugali, which he held in place above a roaring fire with his feet, he should not have a problem starting the next phase of his life.

I hear he studied law but that is beside the point right now. You see, his law degree was of no use when his bosses at Jubilee decided to timua him.

Really, its no use foaming at the mouth saying he is being sacrificed and all manner of shenanigans. Move on, guy. If life starts at 40, he is just but starting to grow teeth. If you know, you know!

His colleague in crime, Kihika, who has also been ‘timuliwad’ has an interesting past, at least from her sharp arcebic tongue.

You recall she stood in church, repeat in church, a few years ago and said that opinions are like a**es, everyone has one? You recall folks starting to remember who her father was, just from her utterances? 

Look up Kihika Kimani in the history of this country. He is the chap who could mount a podium and tell real and perceived enemies that “we can get rid of you through the back door and you will do nothing”.

Well, I hear her middle name suggests one who has been softened or moistened using oil especially. Wakarura means the soft one, loosely speaking.

Folks, another paradox, right there. I heard her using words like “we shall overcome” in some tweet a few days ago. What precisely is she and Murkomen overcoming? I’ll be damned if I know!

The pair, now that they appear to have a common destiny, can put together that eatery I mentioned a few minutes ago.

They can call it S&K Hotels Ltd. If they don’t like my name they are free to choose theirs.

They should do well, he utilising his skills in the kitchen and she using her sharp tongue to both market their hotel and to help taste what the fellow has cooked before it is served. Perfect pair. No? Have a fresh-tasting week, folks! – The writer is Special Projects Editor, People Daily

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