My suicidal mistress won’t let me move on

Monday, December 2nd, 2019 00:00 |
My suicidal mistress.

Hi Achokis.

I am married with three children. I work in the city, but my family lives upcountry. I visit them every weekend. However, I had another woman in the city whom I’m unable to leave.

I’ve stayed with her for two years and in the process, she got pregnant. Unfortunately, she miscarried and after that went back to her parents. At that time, I confessed to my wife and she forgave me.

I thought the other woman had gone, but last month, she came back. I want to terminate this relationship, but she has refused to go.

She even threatened to commit suicide the other day when I told her it’s over. What will I do as I don’t want her to kill herself and my wife knows that this relationship ended?


Long distance relationships can be tricky to manoeuvre. When one is away from their spouse, they feel lonely and can thus become easy prey to temptations. That is why you may have found yourself with another woman. 

We must commend you for having come clean and telling your wife about your other relationship and the pregnancy. She might have forgiven you, but she has a whole lot of healing to go through.

Trust was broken and this has had a tremendous impact in your marriage, especially, with this arrangement of staying away from your family. 

As for the other woman, it is unfortunate that the relationship went this far. Two years is a long time to just call off a relationship, especially with a baby having been involved.

At the time of her leaving, it was not clear that you had called off the relationship, thus her coming back. You owe her an apology for this and an explanation that you need to go back to your wife.  

Be serious

Don’t let her manipulate you by threatening to commit suicide, but also don’t take the threat lightly as if she does so in your house, it would complicate matters for you. You might need to record those threats and inform the police concerning the same.  

Get a close relative or friend of hers and yours and let them be witnesses that you are terminating the relationship. That way, you would cover yourself and at the same time show your ex girlfriend that you are serious.

Seek legal advice on how to go about dissociating yourself from this woman as she may claim she’s your wife. You need to let your wife know exactly what is happening.

This will not be easy, but it’s important in case things get out of hand. You may even need to involve your employer so that if possible, you get a transfer to a place near your home.

You also need to see how you can get back and stay together as a family. - The writers are marriage and relationship coaches [email protected]

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