My fiancé has gone cold after doctor said I may not have children

Monday, April 6th, 2020 00:00 |

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Hi Achokis.  I am 32 years old and my fiancé is 35. We have been dating for the last three years and finally decided to settle down. 

Some time ago, I visited a doctor because I was unwell, and he did a myriad tests. 

I soon got treatment, but the results also revealed that I had a further complication, which would make my chances of conceiving very slim.

I shared this with my fiancé who was quite supportive at that time.  But recently he has started developing cold feet.

He doesn’t call me as often and I noticed things changed when he came back from the village.

I asked him about this behaviour and he said he was fine. I am scared! Why the sudden coldness?

Thank you for your question. We sympathise with you on your current medical condition.

Yes there is a reason to be fearful when your fiancé is not communicating. It leaves you wondering about your relationship and fearful that your hopes and dreams will be dashed.

At the same time, you must have been very disappointed by the doctor’s information.

Of course he is not fine as he is dealing with the reality of what this means. He must have been looking forward to the marriage until you shared with him this.

So he is disappointed and needs time to digest this information before making a decision.

Men process things in silence unlike women who process things by sharing and talking it out.

He may also be worried about you and is careful not to be betrayed by his emotions as that may further complicate things for you.

As a man he wants to protect you so he’s careful what to communicate thus the silence.

Give him some time to process this within himself and if possible encourage him to talk it over with a mature male friend.

Don’t read too much into his going to the village, but there is no harm in asking if he shared anything with his people.

Take care of yourself too. The possibility of not being able to conceive can be a very dreadful thing to a woman.

Don’t let this pull you down. The doctor said there’s a chance of you not conceiving meaning that there’s also a chance of you doing so.

Please seek a second opinion. Psychological preparedness is necessary, but this shouldn’t rob you of living in the present, enjoying your today and not worrying too much about what might happen tomorrow. 

For now he hasn’t said anything to the contrary, and when he does, you will deal with it then.

Conversations around this subject definitely need to continue.  Remind your fiancé that you were willing to be truthful with him by sharing with him this information as you might as well have kept quiet with it.

That should make him realise what a nice person you are. If he decides not to go on with the relationship, then take heart that it wasn’t meant to be.

If someone really loves you, they will love you for who you really. - The writers are marriage and relationship coaches [email protected]

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