‘Institution of higher learning’: First floor schools are not campos

Monday, January 13th, 2020 00:00 |
University students. Photo/Courtesy

Michael Muraya

First floor schools are not campos

When one says ‘Institution of higher learning’, there are those who take it literally.

These are the folks in one of those first floor campuses that are now everywhere. They are institutions of higher learning—literally!

Gone are the days when campuses were few and the ground they stood on was sacred.

When people would point from afar and encourage their sons and daughters to work hard to gain entry into the highly respected ground upon which shapers of the country are shaped.

Well, the sanctity of campos has been eroded by a fast growing chain of universities and colleges located on floors of town buildings, which have totally reduced the divine vanity of campos from institutions that regard high respect into centres located right on top of fast food restaurants.

The influx of these ‘first floor campos’ is so fast that graduations nowadays have become rather confusing. Peeps are saying they have graduated and the whole village goes up in ululation.

The pastor leads a drama of sorts in chanting a stirring monologue on how a son of their land has graduated from a university, only for the latter to find out the much acclaimed ‘campo’ is at the first floor of a building, standing right at the top of a bar!

Do y’all know how odd it is for a church van to be parked outside a creepy joint?

‘First floor comrades’ are another lot. They are easy to spot actually. If you see selfies in fast food restaurants and they have captions such as ‘Before class moments’, that’s a first floor comrade in the restaurant below their school.

These peeps are just unlucky for they are missing out on the true culture of universities.

For a start, their institutions have no playgrounds, (where would a playground be in a first floor campus anyway?), so they have to visit Uhuru Park to feel what it’s like to have a late evening stroll on a lawn.

These comrades cannot exercise the power of the famous mantra, ‘Comrades power’; I mean, how do y’all stone a campo where you need to have the accuracy of some darts world champion, to hit a window pane of your campo without throwing the stone into a barber shop right next?

These first floor ninjas should not say they are in university. How do you even begin giving directions to your campo like this, “Down this street, enter the building on your left, go to the first floor, don’t turn left, that’s a gynaecology clinic, turn right, but not the first entrance, that’s a drug rehab centre...” Absolutely obnoxious! 

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