Help! Our relationship has lost its fire, I am worried

Monday, May 4th, 2020 00:00 |

Hi Achokis.

We have been going out for the last year. We hit it off well and couldn’t wait to be with each other. But of late, it hasn’t been so. We still do see each other, though not as often.

The feelings for each other also are not as high as they were at the beginning.

My girlfriend keeps asking me if I really love her yet I haven’t shown anything on the contrary.

It’s just that I also sometimes fear about meeting her expectations or whether I’m ready to commit to her?

Is this normal or is there something wrong with our relationship? Please advise.

Our take

Relationships often start with such intense emotions and passions. A lot of feel good hormones are released from your brain when one is ‘in love’.

Lovers are excited to be with each other and can’t wait to be together. But as time goes by, reality begins to set in and certain relationship anxieties creep in. And this is where you seem to be in your relationship.

At this stage, a woman begins to wonder whether her man loves her. You are now beginning to think of the next step, which is a commitment to a long-term relationship.

This makes you a bit anxious as a man and without knowing, you start to pull off a bit, which may be construed for something else by your girlfriend.

She starts feeling a little insecure in the relationship and maybe that’s why she keeps asking you if you really love her.

This feelings of insecurity can be worsened if she was dumped in a previous relationship. The only way to know this is to begin to have some candid conversations with your fiancée.

So, there may be nothing wrong with your relationship. It is just the stage of the relationship that you are in.

As you enter this next phase of the relationship, it will call for being vulnerable with each other, which in itself can cause some anxiety.

It will take courage from both of you to open up to each other and begin to talk about your fears.

Hitherto, you may only have been talking about your dreams. But now it’s time to talk about your fears as well.

That way, you get to know each other more deeply and to understand each other better. The challenge will be more for you as a man to be vulnerable enough to share your feelings.

You will have to reassure her more of your love without getting irritated when she asks you if you love her. 

New phase

Both of you need to be open. Don’t be tempted to want to hold onto this relationship at the expense of being open and vulnerable with each other.

Without coming out of your comfort zones and past the fear zone, you will not learn enough about each other. And this is important if you are thinking of taking your relationship to the next level.  

The writers are marriage and relationship coaches [email protected]

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