Financial crisis at home is pushing me to my ex

Monday, October 26th, 2020 00:00 |
Financial crisis at home is pushing me to my ex.

Hi Achokis. I have been married for 15 years. My husband and I have had well-paying jobs.

But due to Covid-19, my husband lost his job and I was put on a significant pay cut.

We could hardly pay our bills and loans and it has been hard for my husband. During this time, I bumped into my ex-boyfriend at an office function.

We got talking, exchanged contacts and since then, we have been chatting. The other day we went out for lunch with him.

I shared my predicament and he promised to help me, which he did by sending me a huge amount of money via M-Pesa.

I didn’t disclose this to my husband. I want to stop meeting my ex, but it’s hard as he has continuously sent me money every month. What should I do?

Thank you for reaching out.  Some things in life happen just at the wrong time.

Here you are at this difficult moment in your life, desperately in need and suddenly your ex shows up with all the help you need.

It’s not easy to resist that and so we feel you. You now find yourself entangled in this web and are trapped.

You need the money to help your hubby, but at the same time, you don’t like where this is leading to. Getting out of such a trap can be tricky. 

So what should you do? You will need to make a decision in what you want. You only have two choices here.

Do you pretend and see where this will lead you or do you stop it and make things right?

Choosing the former, which is the easier option means cheating on your husband whether or not you go to bed with your ex.

Money has a way of making us compromise our morals and with time, you will find yourself justifying your action — after all the end justifies the means, right?

Wrong, the end game here is to keep your family afloat, but at what expense? What shall it profit you if you gained all the colour, but lost your family?

He who pays the piper…

Choices have consequences. Both decisions have consequences— it’s just a matter of which consequence you are willing to live with. The consequence of the first choice is that you may lose your marriage.

How long will you live with this secret? On the other hand, deciding to end this can also be dangerous, because one, your husband may also not believe you when you tell him the truth. This will definitely affect your relationship. 

Secondly, is the realisation you will have to give in to his demands because he who pays the piper calls the tune.

Failure to do so may lead to him demanding that you pay back all that money.

So you must decide which consequence are you willing to live by? What will you look back at and be proud of in the future? Don’t make a permanent decision on this temporary situation.  

The writers are marriage and relationship coaches,    [email protected]

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