Do I reveal the skeleton in my closet to new love?

Monday, September 9th, 2019 00:00 |

Hi Achokis. I recently met a man whom I love. But I have been hesitant to share some details of my past with him.

I have been hurt by those I was in relationship with because of how they used the information I shared with them. How much should I share in a relationship six months down the line?

Is it okay to invest together, to start talking about our future together? Please advise!

Our take

Relationship takes time to develop. One must allow it to progress naturally from the initial stage of getting to know each other to the point where one feels comfortable enough to open up, to the eventual place of making a commitment to go to the next level. 

The problem is we sometimes rush things. We reveal so much too soon in the relationship and that’s why when things don’t happen, we are left scared because we feel the other person has gone with part of us.

Six months sounds like a little too soon to start doing such things as investing and discussing a future together.

You need to get to know each other a bit more, and to reveal things to each other slowly by slowly— like peeling an onion, layer by layer.

As you allow things to progress naturally, you will come to that place where you would feel free to share more intimate things.

By then, your level of trust will have grown so that you feel safe enough to open up to him.

A lot will also depend on how much open he is with you. It must be mutual because if it is just one-sided, then something is wrong.

About investing together, that is for another level of your relationship. Wait until there’s some level of commitment.

What if you break up or things don’t go the way you think? Probably, consider investing as business partners. But investing with a future together in mind, is a bit too early.

Such a thing would be best done after the dowry has been paid or when you start living together after wedding.  

Also, realise your past has the potential of hindering you or holding you back from being open and honest with this guy. But when all is said and done, relationships are a risk, there are no guarantees.

That is not to say that we now be reckless divulging everything too soon, but also not fearing too much to open up thus jeopardising the relationship. - The writers are marriage and relationship coaches, [email protected]

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