Dating again after recent breakup; is it too soon?

Monday, September 20th, 2021 00:00 |
Dating again after recent breakup.

Hi Achokis.

I have been in a relationship for the last five years. However, we broke up and I’m now in another relationship with a colleague.

It’s now two months and I’m really enjoying my new relationship. The problem is that my close friends have been against my new relationship saying that I need to be considerate about my ex, plus it’s too soon for me to move on. Is there some validity in what they are saying or should I just ignore them? - Chemtai

Human beings are greatly influenced by the opinion of their circle. We all want our parents, family , friends and relatives to accept our choices, especially when it comes to our relationships.  

In your case, your circle of friends are not happy with the way you have moved on, not necessarily your new catch.

They seem concerned about your ex, maybe they liked him or had gotten used to you and him being an item that now that things have ended, they are still grieving their loss.

In that case, you don’t need to worry much about their concerns because it is you who knows exactly what you went through in that relationship and why you ended it. 

But as far as the speed in which you have moved on is concerned, there could be some validity to their concern.

There is no specific time between ending one relationship and embarking on a new one, but anything less than six months is rather too soon.

It might look like a rebound relationship, where you  might be avoiding to process the emotions from the other relationship. 

A rebound relationship is a relationship wherein an individual who just recently ended a romantic relationship gets involved with someone else despite not being emotionally healed from the breakup. So, how did you end the other relationship?

Have you been able to bring closure to it before embarking on this new relationship? 

A rebound relationship

Jumping into any new relationship is often so exciting, no wonder you are enjoying yourself now.

But when the honeymoon is over and you get into what we call the drama stage of the relationship, those things that you never processed well, the baggage from the previous relationship may just come back to haunt you. 

Be objective

It is, therefore, important to examine yourself, be honest with yourself and see if there’s any unfinished business that needs to be done with. Find out how the break-up affected you.

Though it’s hard when one is in love to be objective, try listening objectively to your friends.

Are they genuinely concerned for you or are they just not happy because they liked or were used to your former boyfriend and are feeling for him? 

If that’s the case, then you need to look for a neutral person, who can be objective enough to help you process things.

Hopefully they may help you see things clearly thus affirm your decision to move on or to stop and rethink your relationship. The writers are marriage and relationship coaches [email protected]

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