Couples can help save their broken marriages

Thursday, December 5th, 2019 00:00 |
Married couple. Photo/Courtesy

That thousands of marriages are on the rocks is not news. You simply have to peruse the mounting of divorce files at our High Court to realise that things are not what they used to be at home.

No one seems to understand the point of departure from the tried and tested. But due to various reasons, either inadvertently or by design, the battle of the sexes is at its peak. 

The women say it is the men’s fault, while men lay blame for the crisis solely on women.

Apparently, this battle will not be resolved any time soon; it will get worse. At the end of it all, we will have lost the soul of our society to expediency.  

The loss of this crucial social foundation is escalating the problems of the rudderless millennials, who are already smarting from failure to get a grip on life because of a fluid moral and philosophical code. 

That is why this generation seems comfortable with the mainstreaming of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, transsexual, queer, questioning, intersex, asexual, ally, pansexual community!

Now, no one seems to understand exactly what women want, so the popular notion goes. Due to their volatile emotional nature, men are usually in a quandary how to keep their spouses loyal and happy. 

On the converse, a man’s DNA is not a labyrinth. You get what you see. While appealing to a woman is like lighting up a fire with wet firewood, you simply need to get man going like an electric switch.

“The first basic need of a male is sexual fulfilment; …!” These are not my words, but one of the numerous quotes on relationships by the late Christian gospel televangelist, Myles Munroe, in his book, The Purpose and Power of Love and Marriage.

Munroe would have added the cliché that ‘the way to a man’s heart is through the stomach’. Indeed, there are many women who seem to have mastered this male code, and have reaped rewards than any manipulation would have offered.

This brings me to the recent trending topic of twa twa! For those who do not live here, this sound of gunshots is a euphemism for sex, as preached by Nairobi-based Pastor Susan Munene. 

Expectedly, advocating for regular sex between couples as a panacea for having stable marriages was bound to raise furore and excitement in equal measure. 

Sadly, social media being opportunistic, someone simply cut out that bit out of a wholesome talk, and shared it online. I have watched a longer version of the clip and Pastor Munene did not dwell on sex as the clip implied.

As a man, I concur with the sentiments of both preachers. Many of the problems in modern marriages have resulted from spouses using sex to manipulate each other, either as a punishment, or inducement for some action – as a carrot and stick. 

I must confess that I have held these sentiments and expressed them to fellow married couples, more so when women ask me what men want. 

The plain truth is that a sexually starved man is a time-bomb in a marriage. 

Do not get me wrong. Men can easily tell the difference when their partners are unable to satisfy their conjugal rights for genuine reasons. But you do not withhold sex from a man for weeks as a way to get back to him, and expect him to love you or, at least, be faithful.

While some say the lady Pastor’s comments were raunchy, I believe, in her words, it was a revelation. She was courageous enough to say what most men fear telling their spouses.     

—The writer is a communication expert, and public policy analyst. [email protected]

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