Behaviour loved ones shouldn’t get away with

Wednesday, November 6th, 2019 08:22 |

Sometimes the people we love are the ones that hurt us the most. Naturally, there are things that are unacceptable and we should never let blood ties or friendship be the basis for absolving undeserving relations. They should either reciprocate the respect and concern or hit the road, writes CYNTHIA MUKANZI

Deception and lies  

This is common. People will withhold, fabricate or omit information with malicious intent to throw off the other person. They will tell ‘half truths’ by curving around the actual deed or take out some parts, downplay the seriousness of their involvement and airbrush whatever it is to distort the other person’s understanding of the issue. And when the ugly truth comes to light and the magnitude of their actions is felt, they hit you with ‘I didn’t want to hurt you’ when in reality they were protecting themselves. 

Disloyalty and breach of trust

There are people who will not always value you in the same way that you hold them warmly in your heart. They are incapable of reciprocating and will never be on your side unless it serves them in a certain way. It could be an unfaithful romantic partner, a ‘friend’ who badmouths you when you look away or a morbidly jealous kin who is hell-bent on your destruction. They know no loyalty and like a pendulum, they swing from side to side only looking out for themselves. These individuals cannot be trusted, are not worth the energy and time and should therefore, be kept at an arm’s-length. 

Taking and barely giving

Again, this ties up to those who are always absent and unreliable when you need them, but they think they are entitled to kindness and support from you. The selfishness is appalling. They are not supportive of your pursuits and never make time for you, but they are good at syphoning from and draining you.


The ones who don’t hold themselves accountable and will always make excuses for their bad behaviour. They don’t take responsibility and are quick to blame others for terrible situations they get themselves or others into. It is tiring because they never make an effort to change and want to always be heard and forgiven. It’s annoying, infuriating and kills the vibe. 

Emotional manipulation

Emotional manipulation isn’t just a thing of romantic relationships. It also happens with friends and family. It’s a form of abuse that can make an individual question their sanity and valid emotions. Manipulators are good at gas lighting and making one feel as if their reaction to issues is uncalled for or out of touch with reality. It can cause a major dent in the trust of one’s instinct. In the end, you realise you were right and not crazy to feel the way you did and yet they made you doubt yourself.

Criticising and shaming 

And then there is that person who always finds flaws in others. What people don’t always realise is that such individuals are actually projecting their insecurities and dissatisfactions with their own lives to others. You can never be good in their eyes and they will never cheer for you. Cut them out.

Always expecting favours 

It is selfish to put a loved one in a position that compromises their principles just to serve your interests on the basis of your closeness. It’s a form of manipulation and emotional blackmail that guilt trips the other individual into making poor or unlawful decisions that could haunt them in future. Everyone has to work hard and be deserving of something instead of expecting opportunities out of bias due to kinship, friendship or romantic relationships. Opportunities must be earned and someone you care about should not endanger your wellbeing by pushing you to those limits.

Disregarding boundaries

There are people who have no respect for boundaries and personal space. They think they can get away with anything just because you love them. They should be (explicitly) put in their place if they can’t make use of their senses. 


People who are not loyal to you as a lover, friend or family will never show up for you like you do for them. Not that you should be counting the number of times you come through for them, but it’s good to note it and expect little or nothing from them. They will never be present when you need them and frankly speaking, they shouldn’t occupy any space in your life. 

More on National