As a spinster, it’s always a lonely Christmas

Monday, December 23rd, 2019 12:00 |
Lonely Christmas.

Hi Achokis,

I’m a successful senior single woman. We normally have family get-togethers over the Christmas holidays.

I haven’t been to any of them for the last five years and my relatives are complaining.

I avoid these family gatherings because all my age-mates are married with children and I feel like I’m the odd one out while in their company.

I’m always asked when I would be getting married and this makes me uncomfortable. 

Now that it’s that season again, I feel stressed and lonely. I want to be with my family, but fear experiencing shame. What should I do?


The Christmas season affords us a rare opportunity to spend time with our loved ones. This can be an exciting time, but it also comes with its own challenges, especially for a single person like you. 

There is nothing you can do about your status nor can you stop people from asking when you would be getting married.

The sooner you accept you are single and that your status is not a curse, the better it will be for you.

You cannot change your environment or what others say about you or even think of you, but you can change how you see yourself and feel about yourself.

Nobody can make you feel bad about yourself without you allowing it. Deal with that negative self-talk in your mind remembering that as a man or woman in this matter thinketh so is he/she.

Change your attitude

In short, what you need is an attitude change. Avoiding going home will not help, but only depress you as you will be left feeling lonely.

You cannot stop them asking you those kinds of questions or making those jokes about you, but you can definitely change the way you see them.

Make jokes about it and take it lightly don’t take things too seriously. Understand too that your family, especially your parents are just concerned about you.

Appreciate their concern and let them know you too would want to get married and have a family.

Love yourself

Don’t allow yourself to succumb to their pressures by getting a child out of wedlock or clinging to any man that comes your way.

You want to get married and have a child because of you, not so that you can fit into society.

Not all that glitters is gold, I’m sure that there are some of the family members who are married, but not happy in those marriages. Simply put, marriage should not be the source of one’s happiness.

Don’t allow yourself to be identified by your status. Accept yourself, love yourself and go out there and enjoy yourself disregarding what others think or say about you. Walk with your head held up high and enjoy the season! - The writers are marriage and relationship coaches [email protected]

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