Applicant misses radio job over tough questions to listeners

Mambo Matata An applicant for a radio presenter job last week failed the interview because he turned out to be singularly untalented and unqualified. Among the crucial skills the young fellow sorely lacked was the ability to hysterically laugh at his own jokes, the knack to say things that trigger a national pandemonium and the tendency to attract scandals like a magnet. The interviewers were also disappointed during the practical segment of the interview, the candidate asked difficult, non-radio questions that would mentally torture listeners and drive them away to stations that ask mboga kabisa questions. For example, when he was instructed to ask his listeners something about Mt Kenya, he stunned the panel with his question. “Imagine he asked the listeners to name the county or counties where Mt Kenya is located when everyone with half a brain knows the natural radio question one should ask is whether Mt Kenya is a mountain or lake!” said a visibly horrified panellist, adding that the last thing a radio presenter should do is put listeners through the psychological trauma of having to think or the pain of research. Besides veering off into sensible subjects during the interview, thus betraying a lack of a mind for radio, the interviewee also had zero talent for cracking and hysterically laughing at own jokes. “Try as much as we could, we could not make the interviewee to say something utterly ridiculous and then laugh at it. Let’s be brutally honest here, you cannot get a radio job if you cannot tickle yourself. That’s why we had to let go of the young fellow,” said another panellist, who is a veteran in the business. According to an impeachable source close to the interview room, the panel was also shocked the candidate displayed lack of knowledge of trending ethnic and gender stereotypes. Considering that stereotypes are the stock-in-trade in the radio business, anyone who does not have a good knowledge of them cannot stand a chance in the industry. “Imagine he could not crack a single Luhya joke and could not hack the police accent. Asked to describe what readily came to his mind when Nyeri women or Nyanza men are mentioned, he could not come up with anything remotely intelligible,” said a source, who described the interviewee as dumb as a rock. Interviewers also described the candidate as not sufficiently loyal to his gender, meaning he could not argue heatedly enough about how evil the opposite gender is. This, they said, would kill the whole purpose of being on radio which is basically an arena for the battle of the sexes and one has no choice but enlist in either the male or female army. “To be a successful radio personality, you need to be a fierce defender of your kind otherwise you will become irrelevant and be run out of the studio,” explained an expert on radio. By listening to him and observing his mannerisms, the panel was also convinced the applicant did not possess the kind of character that would generate enough off-air and online gossip, through personal foibles and scandals. A radio personality, they said, should be colourful enough to regularly produce juicy stories about their personal lives that would keep the gossip columnists and bloggers busy. “Potential for steamy love affairs, rumours of cheating, breakups, society weddings, noisy and messy divorces, domestic violence, bar brawls, road rages, alcoholism and drugs, the works… that’s what we were looking for. Unfortunately, this particular applicant looked like he would disappoint. He was too normal,” said a panellist. – matatacolumn@gmail.com

Applicant misses radio job over tough questions to listeners

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Applicant misses radio job over tough questions to listeners

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