Adoptive mums go through much more to become mothers too

More often than not, the quintessential image that comes to mind when one thinks of a mother is that of a woman who gets pregnant, gives birth, and gripe about stretch marks. But adoptive mums go through much more to become mothers too as DR FAITH NGUNJIRI narrates. Dr Faith Ngunjiri’s best gift ever is the one she received on Mothers’ Day 2015 – the gift of motherhood. The struggle to get a child, the long wait and the dramatic experience she has had to go through to become a mother, was substituted by joy, pleasure, and the sheer satisfaction of raising her now two girls aged five and three years. Dr Ngunjiri, a university lecturer who resides in the United Stated reminisces how in 2009, she met her spouse. Theirs was love brewed in Philadelphia, US and they tied the knot seven months after they started dating. Dating, marriage, children, that is the order, right? Six months after getting married, the couple realised their dream of having children was proving elusive. She was 36, he was 50, so time was not on their side. After visiting a reproductive endocrinologist, the doctor told them they had only one viable path to parenthood: in-vitro fertilisation (IVF). “An infertility diagnosis is not the end of the world. Devastating, yes. Back in my mid-20s, I had determined I would adopt, whether or not I had biological children. So, I knew that one way or another, whether IVF worked or not, there was another path I always planned on taking,” says Dr Ngunjiri. A second opinion later, it was clear that IVF was indeed the only path forward. After the first try at IVF, she succeeded. Unfortunately, nine weeks in, her baby’s heartbeat disappeared. She lost her baby. Dr Gikunda recalls how there was no medical explanation as to what caused it. What followed was weeks of grief, sorrows and darkness. With the help of therapy, she was able to come out of it. In 2013, the couple decided to move to Minnesota, US in search of greener pastures and a fresh start. At the same time, they started inquiring about adoption. “After speaking to a Lutheran Social Services to learn more about the process of adoption, the social worker explained that whereas it would normally take up to two years to get placement for domestic infant adoption, it would not take as long for us. There are fewer blacks/African willing to adopt children, so it is easier and faster to get a placement,” she says. In 2014, they started the journey, and two weeks after getting placement of a baby girl, she was reclaimed. “In Minnesota, a birth parent gets up to 10 days after placement to either change their mind or make it irrevocable. We got a call that the biological mother was reconsidering, that her mother (the baby’s grandma) had decided to quit her job to raise the child. Probably, she struggled so much with letting her child go and just wanted her back,” she recalls. “While I was frustrated at the developments, I was also conscious of the difficulty the birth mother must have been experiencing, the pain and struggle of letting go of her child. I tried to extend grace, compassion and mercy to a struggling mother and fought against anger,” she says. Once the baby was reclaimed, the couple went back to the drawing board—undergoing training with their adoption agency on parenting, open adoption, and getting their home study done. Start of motherhood A year later, they got matched with a parent who was interested in the couple parenting her baby girl. They flew to Florida, for the match meeting, a sort of face-to-face interview for the birth and adoptive parents to get to know one another. Less than two weeks later, on the morning of May 8, 2015 they received a call that the birth mother was going into the hospital to be induced, two weeks before her due date. Off they jumped into their car and started the 27-hour drive from Minnesota to Florida. The baby was born while they were still enroute. Finally, on Mother’s Day, they were able to meet their daughter, Imara, for the first time. It was love at first sight! “Isn’t this the best Mother’s Day gift ever? I fell in love with her on the first day I set my eyes on her. Imara was a beautiful baby and I just couldn’t stop thanking God. We spent the first days of our lives just learning her and cuddling her,” she smiles broadly. Months passed and in August 2016, they received a call that Imara’s birth mother was pregnant again and she was considering placing the child for adoption. She didn’t think twice because of how wonderful it would be raising siblings. But the process didn’t go through, she just went mute and they never heard of her again. The same month, she got matched with another mother. “We knew she was due on October 7, and even booked for a ticket on that day, but unfortunately the baby came earlier and I had to reschedule my plans. I left my spouse at home taking care of our first daughter and rushed to meet her. I was actually surprised to learn she gave birth by herself at home, and within 12 hours she was released from hospital,” she says. The couple has dedicated their time in raising their daughters, loving and caring for them. Taking time to learn their unique characters and moulding them to be responsible. “The thing about children is, they are a gift from God. It does not matter whether we get them through natural means, assisted means, or by adoption. They are still a gift from God,” she says in conclusion.

Adoptive mums go through much more to become mothers too

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